I started lying again
When she talked about gaining weight
And losing it
Saying you never looked so beautiful
Always rolls off the tongue
Just right

And I regret to inform you
That I only led the Cocaine Anonymous meeting
Because I wanted to feel like a big shot
In a room full of
Ex-girlfriends and potential
Regret

Over a half measure that availed me nothing
In the form of
A final humiliation
In the form of
A realization that
My pain is not very interesting
And I am not very handsome

It would be nice if
Obamacare covered
The spots in my eyes
The tiny little holes
Accrued staring directly at the sun
For prolonged periods of time
Homicidal
And with intent

By the bank
Of the river or the parking lot
Trying to pinpoint
Somewhere in the sun
That was white and swirling
A vision of your butt cheeks
Peeking out beneath
The delicate folds of your skirt

Noah wrote a song
About communicating with Norwegians
While I poured boiling hot water
Into my Kalita
With coffee I ground
In my sponsor's food processor

I remember showing up to Step Work
While he smoked weed on his porch
I said it didn't matter
I can have a spiritual experience with anyone
And maybe

Some residual THC wouldn't be the worst thing
My coffee could make me feel
Like Playboy Carti
White, alone, drinking coffee
Like Playboy Carti

Ultimately I'm writing to ask
Can anyone recommend me
A good electric razor?
Because my face is covered in cuts
My teeth are falling out
My skin is sallow and peeling
I used to be beautiful
Now I am disgusting

Like American flags draped over
Dead possums
On the side of the road
Covered in spray paint
Sealed with a kiss

JOHN DOE is a Michigan-based poet.